He Hate ME

I have an interesting relationship history with the Cedar Falls PD. I got off work this morning at 4:45 AM and had to drop off two guys I work with. While driving back up College St. a cop pealed out and started following me real close. When I got to the top of College Hill, he threw on his lights and siren, thinking well here we go, I pulled over and got my ID ready to go, having had plenty of practice in the past with dealing with the Cedar Falls PD. As I was patiently waiting I hear a voice over the loudspeaker behind me, telling me to turn off my car, throw the keys out the window, and keep my hands out the window. I honestly thought for a second that maybe this is new procedure for Cedar Falls finest. As I was thinking this two more cops pulled up in front of me and blocked off the street and shined their spotlights on me, and I saw them get out cocking their shotguns and taking aim at me. Hands still out the window I see to my right about twenty yards out about three more cops with shotguns aimed at me surrounding the area. At this point in time I realized, well this might not be new procedure, and I started running through all the possible illegal things I have done in the past week that would result in this action. Before I could come up with  a solid answer the officer behind me told me to open the car door from the outside and step out facing forward. He then told me to put my hands above my head and walk slowly backwards towards one of the many police cars behind me. Being the honest and law abiding citizen I am I did so and when I was right in front of his car he told me to get down on my knees and keep my hands on my head. I could see in my back windshield that there was about five or six other officers with their weapons drawn and pointed at me. The officer put my hands behind my back and handcuffed me and had me stand against the hood of the cop car. He asked me my name and if I had any weapons while he was feeling me down for said weapons. 

Now, a little backstory to this, tonight at work was Studio 54 night and I was dressed as a gay cowboy, including skinny jeans, biker boots, size extra small tank top, ten gallon cowboy hat, shitty belt buckle, a disgusting brown leather coat, a tobacco smoking pipe in my pocket, and to top it off sporting the creepiest molester mustache I could possibly muster with three days notice.

Now that you have an image in your head I will continue this ridiculous story. After searching me, the officer asked where I was coming from, I told him I just got off work and dropped off two coworkers, I also made sure to mention that it was Studio 54 night at work and that explains why I look like a complete fuckin creep. He explains to me that some kids got the shit beat out of them with baseball bats down the street and apparently someone thought my car looked the same as the one that took after the beating. So, they put me in the backseat of the cop car and asked to search my car. I told them to go ahead with a sigh of relief knowing that I had just cleaned it out two days earlier of all "suspicious" objects, including a fog machine, multiple tire irons (I stripped a lug nut and tried a few different ones), a few empty bottles of booze, 60 empty Red Bull cans, two weeks worth of clothes, and enough garbage to fill a garbage can. They scavage through my car and I smile in the back seat of the cop car knowing that it is spotless. They then bring a witness up to where I am to try and identify me as the attacker, and the guy just shakes his head when they shine the light at me through the window in the cop car. At this point I am smiling ear to ear and have that feeling of excitement after exiting some sort of amusement park ride. The cop takes me out of the back seat and takes the cuffs off of me and says, "Sorry about that, we were told that a car of your description was fleeing an assault and we had to take all the precautions necessary". They handed me my ID and my keys, all 6 of them shook my hand and say have a good night, and one of them even gave me an escort the whopping 4 blocks home.

With that being said, that was more exciting than dressing up as a gay cowboy and sadly enough, will probably be my only shot to ever be on COPS! Fuck Compton, Cedar Falls is hard as nails!

Attached is my salute to the Cedar Falls Police Department, as you can see I am swelling with patriotism.